There was never a pirate named Red Beard the Vegetarian, but that’s only because Ryan was not alive in the 16th century, is not good at sailing, and is way too nice to do any real pillaging.
Here’s how nice Ryan is: When I asked him which of his fellow employees he’d most like to punch in the face, he struggled to even come up with an answer. When anyone else is asked, they either immediately shout “JARROD” or they refer to a list that they keep in their wallet that they update daily.
Not Ryan. He likes everybody.
High on the list of people he likes are his wife of 11 years and his soon-to-be 4-year-old child. When Ryan’s not here installing dope wraps with The Stick Company, he’s at home watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with his son (they’re both partial to Raphael, as the color of his mask complements daddy’s beard), perusing movie memorabilia on eBay, or out hunting historical artifacts.
He’s an interesting guy, and is very likely to be the only Stick Company employee in history who will ever have a degree in sculpture.